On 8th may 2000 my life changed forever when a screaming ginger haired fist clenched little boy came in to my world ! 

He came in to the world fighting and was known as Squidge . 

we were lucky that we had all our family to support us and we lived with Nathans grandparents who idolised him . 

Growing up Nathan loved everything animal related he loved his guinea pigs and would be seen many a weekend at shows showing them He also loved the garden and anything outdoorsy , he would always be in his wellingtons messing in the garden . he loved cars especially VW and would talk about having a golf when he passed his driving test . 

His other love was his music especially Elvis and Johnny Cash ! he would listen to his sound system full belt just to make sure everyone else listened to it as well ! 

His biggest love however had to be PEAKY BLINDERS ! 

His job at the North York moors National parks was his life he gained such an insight in to conservation and this was a route he was very keen to pursue after leaving . He made many wonderful friends here .

Nathan was often described as an old head on young shoulders or a gentleman in a flat cap , there are no other ways to describe him , he would open doors for folk, stand when a lady came in to a room , carry shopping for little old ladies he was a gentle soul who i genuinely believe was in the wrong era ! 

He worshipped his 3 sisters who are devasted by his death , how do you explain to a 5- and 7-year-old that their brother has died less than 12 hours after being with them ?

I will never forget having to catch my eldest daughter as she collapsed when we told her, her  whole world crushed after Nathan had helped her through the death of her father, she looked up to him as a guide , the bond between Nathan and the girls was so very clear to see , and to see them together you knew how special a bond it was .  

Nathan could always make everyone especially the girls laugh no matter what sort of day he had had , was always on hand to listen to a problem , and would play whatever games the girls wanted to even if it meant wearing a princess crown  jumping on the trampoline something which my youngest daughter can no longer do as that was hers and Nathans thing . 

I can't get over the knock on the kitchen door at 2308 pm on the night and seeing a police officer at the door , my world my heart my life changed by those words, to then have to try contact my parents abroad and not to be able to hug them and comfort them was horrific . 

Our lives are no longer the same , we exist with a massive piece of our family missing , the effect this has had on my daughters is truly devastating , but they amaze me every day with their strength and wisdom that i believe comes from having Nathan as a brother and huge part of them ,

 My youngest has struggled hugely with anxiety since the loss of Nathan and on a good day she tells me that remembering him is like having you shoe laces ted in a bow you can think of all the good stuff , but on a bad day when she misses him and is sad it's like having shoes untied in a big knot . I think for a now 7-year-old that this is a good way of looking at things . 

Everyone has all said they can't believe what happened . that he was the very last person they would have thought to suffer from mental health issues , we don't have all the answers to the very many questions we have but one day we will . 

As his mum I miss our chats about random stuff his cheeky smile his beautiful blue eyes and his red hair qiffed to perfection but of all the love that radiated from him he had so much to give and the heart of a lion ! 

Nathan bowed from life on the 11th September 2019 aged just 19 years old , tipping his flat cap as he left , he will never go grey nor grow old forever young but missed beyond words .